Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
