considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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