So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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