I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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