I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
