Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
