I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
