Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
