We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
