we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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