he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
