Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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