My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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