I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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