its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
