Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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