that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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