i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
