I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
