What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
