just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
