I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
