My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
