so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
