I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
