i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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