I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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