Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
