Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
