On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
