your thong is hanging out like whoa
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
