Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
