I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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