I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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