Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize