true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
