i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
