I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
