to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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