I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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