Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't deserve a penis
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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