how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
