my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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