they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
