My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
