I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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