He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
