he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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