He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
