Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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