If i come over, it means nothing
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
