it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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