I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
