I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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