My balls are so social today.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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