she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
