dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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