or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
