Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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