i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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