my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
