I hate your face
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
