did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
