So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
