if i can run in heels then i can drive
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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