he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
