I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
