Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
