he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
