Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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