I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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