no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We left the knife in your bed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want a musical about memes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
