it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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