I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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