Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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