do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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