i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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