What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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